THE CHANGING

 The sudden change in atmosphere that I identify with the coming of fall moved in last week. Perhaps it started with the full moon in Aquarius, as the moon came closest to earth. In addition, the time for their annual pilgrimage to Blue Lake by the Taos Pueblo people is this week.  On our way to the Pueblo house we noticed that many of the horses that were in the main pasture since spring had been corralled in preparation for their trek to Blue Lake. 

It seems like merely a few days ago that the tree leaves were fresh and the pastures were finally green after an interminably long winter.  In childhood, a few yellow leaves at the top of a Cottonwood in mid-August meant that I could only enjoy life for three more weeks.  Now, sadly children return to school in mid-August. I hope that their experience with school is better than when and where mine was as a schoolchild.

Visiting Our Neighborhood

We are two years on the other side of the 2012 end of the world.  However, this doesn’t mean that it is the same world just because it didn’t end by meteor collision or alien takeover. Perhaps it’s only a matter of degree. Each day is a different world than the day before. Each day some people are born into this world and some exit this world. For me, time is the greatest of all mysteries. Everything in our world flashes in and out by the engine of time. The older I become, the greater the mysteries of time and existence in time becomes.  Strangely, it doesn’t bother me as it once did. Now it’s mostly curiosity and a desire to understand what remains.

Recently, Robin Williams left us by his own hand. It was a shock but somehow it fit with his personal self-portrait. That doesn’t mean there couldn’t or shouldn’t have been a different end to his story, but this was one that in hindsight seems plausible within its tragic overtones. His archetype was the sensitive clown.  He was a public figure and his fans hoped that he would triumph over his difficulties. That would have been a ritual victory for everyone who struggles against the dark side of life. Nevertheless, it is all one large picture and we wander around like ants in a big landscape. It only seems like the whole picture because we can’t see very much of it from our little piece of time and place.

Last week Marcello's Chinese Wife, Maria takes a photo of He and PQ.
who met 23 years ago at the Adobe Inn

On Sunday, we were at a wedding at almost 13,000 feet. It was for one of PQ’s nephews. It began and ended at the Bavarian but the romantic young couple had their ceremony by a waterfall several hundred feet above the restaurant. PQ was asked to sing the couple in and although he sounded fine, he was dizzy at that altitude and had to concentrate on staying conscious. It was all beautiful, and it had been a long time since I’ve been at a lush high alpine climate, but it was a relief that we had to leave early to take son Corey to work.

 We went to Indian Market yesterday. The day was beautiful and poignant because like a flower it won’t happen in just the same way ever again.  It made me appreciate what we have while remembering when PQ didn’t have to stop to breathe every few minutes.  I think we should look into a wheel chair for times like this. He is still physically strong and otherwise healthy but bad lungs are like a short rope.

Our 3^rd anniversary is coming up next month, although the impression is that we have been together for lifetimes. Of course, in our dream of being together the health and time limitations didn’t yet exist. But, there are good reasons for borders and time.  Saturn the border maker is always setting the stage for the next to last act.

A wedding at 13,000 feet. Beautiful but challenging for bad lungs.

 When I was a child, I had a recurring dream of running from a raging flood.  To escape with my life, I had to leap over a cavern that was getting wider by the moment. It was virtually an impossible leap but I gave it everything I had and barely made it to the other side. Sometimes I was hanging by fingernails and desperately clawing my way up the opposite bank to safety. Every time this happened, I was amazed that I actually made it. I always awoke with my heart pounding.

 

Looking back, I wonder why it was so important to outrun this pursuer. Life is temporary and old man Saturn always wins the final race no matter how slow he runs. So what would have happened if the flood had won this race? Maybe not to make it across this chasm is just another type of experience rather than total defeat and death. By definition, time is limited but there is also another reality behind this perceptible stage.   It is detached from our 3D story because there is always another act that isn’t visible to us the audience and actors.  My personal medicine is to recognize that I’m not just a spectator and only an actor for a while. So, what happens if I don’t understand what I just said? I suppose another flood will come and another until I understand the what and why.

There are terrible things happening in the world and yet this moment and place is calm and only a welcome gentle rain exists outside our door tonight. No one knows why there are always floods, earthquakes, cruelty and wars somewhere.  We can appreciate the calm and beautiful times without guilt because the wounded system we exist in totters back and forth trying to find its balance. If only we could learn to move backstage before the drama catches us.