Wednesday, August 23, 2017

SOLAR ECLIPSE - August 21, 2017

I remember mom telling me about the solar eclipse she watched as a young child. It must have been the eclipse of 1923. She would have been seven years old. They broke dark glass bottles through which to view it and one of her classmates got a nasty cut. Times have changed. No responsible teacher now would let a second grader use ordinary bottle glass and especially from a broken bottle.

I had no interest in watching this one through special glasses. It was a natural, recurring event and besides it was only partial here in Taos. However, the sun did grow dim and I found myself wanting to wipe clean a non-existent window because the light went down as if God had turned a dimmer switch on the Sun. Nevertheless, I did notice a change in the energy surrounding us. The Moon normally reflects the light of the Sun after the Sun has moved to the invisible side of the Earth. When the Sun goes dark above us, in what would normally be its zenith, it must turn our normal perception inside out.

Somehow, this fits perfectly with the times. Many qualities associated with Leo, the astrological sign ruled by the Sun, such as ideals, leadership, authority and protection from dark forces seems to be turned inside out, and apt description I believe, of a Solar eclipse. This analogy is also an apt description of our current world condition and definitely our national leadership. 

The enormous attention given to this Solar Eclipse, indicates that such primal events in nature still activate something equally primal in we modern humans however urbanized we have become. Nature rules in spite of our artificial lights, electronic information and asphalt footing. Of course, we attempt to capture such cosmic events with our mobile phone cameras.

Normally, the Moon reflects light from the Sun and stimulates the inner Sun of the emotional, intuitive realm to come out and play. A full Moon is an exact opposition of the Sun and Moon. However, there is an unseen dark side to the Moon and Full Moons are notorious for stimulating both sides of the Moon.  In our culture, the Moon has a feminine identity, and that is appropriate in that the Moon is only a reflection of the dominant Sun who has all the other planets revolving around him. This, however, is not true in all cultures. It may be that much of the craziness in our daily news has something to do with overlooking the intuitive emotional aspects of human nature and thus leaving them undeveloped and prey to distorted expressions. I can’t help notice that most malicious, brutal and irrational outbursts are coming from young males. They obviously lack something important in their emotional development.

We will never control this rogue behavior with violence and further rejection alone. There has to be a genuine and soul satisfying alternative. Yes, it’s possible; even likely, that politically motivated forces are encouraging much of this explosive behavior, but lighting the wick of a candle has an entirely different effect than lighting the wick of a bomb.  

Some years ago, the rangers in Africa began killing older bull elephants, to thin down herds. Before long, they discovered that the young males went rogue, killing other animals that elephants usually ignore, and harassing the females with babies.  It turned out that older males were necessary to keep the young ones in check and show them how to behave. When one gender is out of balance, all is out of balance. People are more complex, but something important is missing in our development whatever the origins of the problem.


Inevitably, the perceptual filters of our experiences and beliefs are impacting this earth. I believe most of us would agree that it is time for us to become conscious and responsible for the environment we create with our unconscious views. We have lived for a long time with an approaching solar eclipse.  A physical eclipse of the Sun by the body of the Moon that represents all the unconscious powers that we ignore is a great symbol to work with. All that is unconscious is more likely to manifest in destruction rather than creation. However, our universe lives in cycles of a dance of darkness and light. I do hope, however, that the time is not far off for the Sun to shine again on the inside as well as the outside of our lives even though I suspect darkness will become deeper before the light begins to emerge.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Las Cruces Cross Road



FOUR DAYS AGO: It’s 3:30 PM and PQ is taking a nap. I haven’t had much time or inspiration for writing this week. This is it. Yesterday we drove to several venues from south to north here in Taos, hoping to cope with a shortfall by selling at least one of PQ’s hand painted jackets. I didn’t want to do this due to the virus effect that is hanging with us since we returned from Las Cruces on Sunday. That trip was all about another showing of “Awakening in Taos”. 

Petite Suede Jacket - $350
The long weekend held continuous challenges for someone on 5 Lts. of oxygen 24/7. We hauled oxygen tanks from venue to venue for receptions, showings and Q&A’s.  Sometimes PQ ran out of oxygen entirely and we had to wing it and hope for the best. People were friendly, curious somewhat bedazzled but not interested in buying art. At least not from someone they knew very little about. The Southern part of New Mexico is actually a different country and the art, history and natives of Taos Pueblo are exotic to them.

Some of the stress was in finding venues located far apart in an unfamiliar city. I learned to use Siri (somewhat) after my Garmin GPS failed us, but the tension continued and PQ and I have different ways. Each of us thinks the other doesn’t know what he/she is doing when faced with the unknown. Packing and unpacking  large paintings, a powwow drum, 12 painted coats and jackets, drawings, greeting cards CD’s and our luggage was another challenge. On the last morning, we ran out of oxygen tanks and had to locate a provider acceptable to PQ’s insurance. After ordering, we discovered that they wouldn’t deliver to hotels. Mark Gordon, our producer was waiting for us to guide us to the theater again but ran out of time and had to leave us on our own. Thankfully, the oxygen provider was only half a mile away, but it was under time pressure and we arrived at the theater a bit late, yet proud of ourselves for finding it on our own. 

Frankly, I don’t think I described all of this with total accuracy because it is a blur now. Unfortunately, it was a blur at the time as well. I’ll admit both PQ and I were exhausted and semi-conscious before we arrived. He had painted feverishly for two weeks prior, and I lay out and printed cards, organized the items and priced everything until late the night before we left. This wouldn’t have been a problem except that I was just beginning to recover from a cold and so was PQ. 

Medium Black Denim - $350
Now I’ve vented about our rather strange experience, and am trying to settle back into the Taos rhythm. I started to worry about the bills we collected last month because we bought art materials, had to replace an old washing machine that died and make a payment on our son’s truck while he was between jobs. Our income doesn’t accommodate extra expenses. When the late fees and shutoff notices from utility companies started coming in, my stomach tightened by habit and I resigned to a sleepless night.  Then suddenly, my mood changed and I began to feel light and free. For some reason I recognized that worry is an out of date response designed to mollify a false sense of responsibility. Self-torture was never useful and only created more problems.  The universe isn’t picking on me uniquely, and not all efforts let alone self-generated suffering will be rewarded in the real world. Then a flashlight came on and illuminated the room. I saw that my life is focused on staying out of trouble to avoid criticism and shame but my personal trickster was crafting the opposite again and again. I was making myself crazy with a purpose.  

I can’t please everyone and there are times when I can’t please anyone. This truth doesn’t require a desperate response, or a belief that I’m cursed. It just is. Things have not been smooth this winter.  PQ is going through his own frustrations and disappointments and sometimes he expects more than I have to give and is impatient with me. My failure this month to please our creditors put a hole in my ego through which I could peer at the larger world. I was in a similar loop with my husband. I thought I had to meet every expectation and make him happy or I was a total failure as a person. I could feel us drifting further apart and was powerless to fix it. Then, on this day, I realized that I alone couldn’t fix it. I could love him, be frustrated with him and even blame myself for not understanding his version of perfection, but my feelings of failure would never make us okay. I can’t do it alone.    
Medium Denim Shirt - $350

My hopes and expectations for our relationship were a precious dream. Ironically, he also had a dream of what we would be together. I’m not saying that those dreams are not good. I still believe there is much of value there but not the way I once imagined. Will we survive a blizzard of reality in this rather bleak winter?  Actually, I see it as a necessary trip through the storm. On our recent drive from Las Cruces to Taos, exhausted and rumpled as we watched mile after mile of sand and dry brush move by at what seemed a snail’s pace, authenticity was taking root like a tender shoot developing beneath the barren winter soil. 
Medium White Denim - $350

Perhaps there isn’t anything wrong with reality after all. I believe this life is a school for the soul, but on a larger level, it is a school for this evolving planet’s essence and destiny. They are organically connected. 

Expectations tend to hold the future within the habits of the past. Typically, when a people moved from one location on the planet to another, they insisted on keeping the plants, animals and beliefs of the place they came from. I was just reading about the Vikings who lived for almost 300 years on Greenland. Then something happened (probably weather change and a shift of the ivory market to Africa) making it impossible to maintain a Northern European life style on that cold barren island. Instead of adapting to the lifestyle of their Inuit neighbors that is still functioning at that location, they returned to Europe or died in place. The magic comes in making change a womb instead of a grave.


Saturday, February 11, 2017

THE TRICKS OF TIME



PQ is making new designs on drawing paper every day. Our relationship is in flux. He is restless and pushing for more in life, dissatisfied with the way we are. We have been under much pressure in the last few years. A make it or break it challenge for our relationship.  I know some of it has to do with getting older, shorter of breath and now a new threat of compromised kidney function. Nevertheless, his energy is good and his stamina unaffected. More people are getting in touch with him out of the clear sky wanting blessings, or information about pueblo culture and the way things were—movie people, musicians and writers. This is what I saw and hoped to be a part of 20 years ago but I’ve always been too far ahead. When real time catches up to the vision, the vision itself becomes dim and tattered, like that favorite print that I save rolled up under the bed waiting for a time when I’ll have the money to frame it and the space to hang it. 

Time is upon us. A few days ago, we were waiting for a friend to arrive at one of our favorite Santa Fe restaurants. Across Guadalupe Street, PQ saw a neon sign on a second story window, “Native Lives Matter.” “That’s what I want to do, something to help my people, something meaningful that will inspire my people and remind them of what we are about.” A few days earlier, we had been watching “A brief but spectacular moment” on PBS featuring African American poet, Clint Smith. He delivered a poem about how America hides the realities of racial prejudice and exploitation by our founding fathers behind a whitewashed (pun intended) version of history. PQ told me, “I want you to contact that poet and tell him how much I appreciated that message and I would like to work with him in some way, it’s important,” So, I did. Clint Smith answered with a simple but warm acknowledgement and thank you. I believe that the energy trajectory is gaining momentum and it’s going to have an effect. We aren’t getting younger but we as individuals are going through a ripening process and harvest time is here.

I believe this is the most important time for the most important ascension. I’m not referring to a New Age plan to escape this uncomfortable and sometimes frightening world. The most important ascension is we moving from purely personal motives and desires to the experience of relatedness to all the other beings and even the cosmos. That is a bit too heady, so I’ll break it down. We are going through a cleansing of our personal cooties, the ones that have kept us scratching personal itches too long. Another analogy comes to mind, just like with the country, our windshields are cracked and spattered with mud and we’ve just been tolerating it.    

The alienating beliefs and attitudes in our world are becoming dangerously extreme. There is great danger that this division will destroy the consciousness needed to resolve that division. People are taking sides in a way that prevents healing and instead further irritates open wounds. Poet Robert Frost had this to say about inner conflicts, “The best way out is through.” To me this means the answer is not in escalating conflict between opposing forces but in transcending the divisive extremes to a higher encompassing third approach. 

Some people believe our new president is going to answer their prayers and some believe he will destroy the country and beyond.  My personal opinion is that he often functions as Trickster, breaking through the weak walls, accidentally shining the light on the wrinkles and warts of a system that is full of contradictions and compromise, even as he charges in like a Bull in a china shop.
On another level, PQ’s design styles are changing.  Possessed by a strong spirit that is fine and focused like a laser he cranks the volume up on his Bose and paints all day.  His guiding Medicine teacher is pushing toward the upper world.  There is sometimes confusion as the new boss struggles with the haughty young man inside who won’t give up easily. The young guy still has some grievances and unfinished business, but this incoming spirit has an authority that won’t be stopped. I sense his amazement, joy and strength.

Real life demands that we take it on its own terms. It is much like a nocturnal dream and doesn’t condescend to waking logic.  The countenance of Coyote the Native American trickster is laughing at us, all of us. Here we are at the beginning of this New Year and the shadow truths behind both our institutions and self-images are bulging furtively around the edges of their sanctified masks.  As deceptions grow, they fit less well in their containers. 

A few weeks ago, something shifted.  I had a quick glimpse of the mask I’d been wearing—a bland self-effacing mask that I thought would be neutral and nonthreatening but was completely contrary to my essence. I learned to wear this mask in early childhood and then identified with it (for those of you into astrology, I have the Sun, Moon, Mercury and Jupiter in the 12th house, all squaring Neptune in the 4th house).  I covertly projected and supported my true birthright essence onto friends and lovers who usually ended up rejecting my masked persona.

 I have no idea how the future will unfold for us as individuals the nation or the world.  The Universal Command Force doesn’t confide the big picture to the likes of me, probably realizing that I’m all I can handle; however, Coyote always screws up while trying to trick others. Remember that when in despair of the future world.