Monday, June 18, 2018


The smell of damp earth is healing to the soul. I spent the morning turning over soil and pulling weeds. The previous two nights of soft rain broke a drought that almost killed the plants I’ve loved and nurtured for many years. A week ago, I decided to water the brown grass and give a soft soaking to bushes, and trees. At first, I felt guilty because water is sacred in this semi-arid land and everyone else in the neighborhood is living a water conserving life with dry earth and yellow grass. Then I remembered something I’d experienced in the past. When I water the plants, clouds appear. Perhaps it is because like attracts like, or perhaps the coming clouds speak to my instincts before consciousness receives the message. The important point, is that I couldn’t stand the drought anymore, acted on it and the rains came. Nature is a great teacher.
A week ago the green was brown.

“Energy flows where attention goes.” This is a popular saying but despite its simplicity, we seldom know how to apply it. Our attempts to be rational law abiding and factual according to common wisdom sometimes goes against natural laws. I’m still working on the application of this cosmic principle.

It isn’t unusual to feel depressed or sad in the month preceding one’s Birthday.  However, this year I had quite a dip. It seemed like my whole life had been a useless struggle to climb a hill covered in wet slippery clay and now I was still at the base tired and much older but without visible progress.  Then it occurred to me that I held hopes and expectations for many years that I would eventually achieve certain goals.  Then it occurred to me that the important question was; were these goals based on inner truth, or on assumptions about what success should resemble. 

 Still, that earlier feeling of powerlessness and insignificance required more than improving the garden.  I haven’t improved the world by holding consciousness raising workshops, running campaigns for saving nature, interviewing important people,  starting a charity, or being a top artist but the warm mud, little insects I turned up with my shovel and the intimacy of physical contact with Mother Earth literally brought me back to real life. 

I regret that it’s unlikely that I will ever travel to Europe or Asia, and even a trip out of state isn’t practical right now. However, I acknowledge that nothing in my current life seemed possible a decade ago.  Life isn’t predictable so no use responding emotionally to a possible outcome before its real. 

However, reality itself is a pretty tricky shapeshifter. The best and the worst of humanity seem to be in constant moral combat over reality. Yet opposition never wins the wars since each side sees itself as the right side. Lacking final resolution defeat and victory are temporary. It reminds me of a saying my grandmother often used: “He who is convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.”  

While walking in and out of the house during the day, I caught bits of TV news, political interviews and opinions that PQ was watching. It reminded me that hate is another kind of attraction and its magnetic grip is currently holding the media hostage. They expect to put their world back the way it was by analyzing and criticizing. I don’t like the way things are unfolding in the government either, but I feel uneasy with this obsessive attraction. It reminds me of the way moths can’t resist flying into electric lights even if it kills them. Too often while fighting an enemy; we succumb to taking on their ways. If it goes unchecked, we become just a mirror of what we find horrific. 

Again, this is all very tricky. We can’t ignore moral issues in good faith. Today’s news focused on the inhumane practice of separating the children of refugees seeking asylum in the U.S. from their parents. This practice is horrible and it will likely create emotional scars for life.  It reveals that our nation has serious heart trouble, and this involves lack of empathy and a lack of courage. No amount of rational efficiency can compensate for a frozen heart.

The heart is the locus of intention. It mediates between the lower chakras based on instinct and the upper chakras connecting us to higher mind and offering a perspective beyond the individual. A sick or undeveloped heart doesn’t properly deliver life force throughout the body on the physical level and throughout the emotional body connecting us to the rest of the world. 

Although chakra is an ancient Sanskrit word, it is often mistaken for a New Age term. It describes the circular nature of the life force. When the circle is broken or has a weak link, dysfunction is a likely result. Obviously, this is true on many levels from the atomic to the cosmic.  If one chakra is weak or out of balance, the entire system is affected. 

“Let your heart be at peace.
Watch the turmoil of beings
but contemplate their return.

If you don't realize the source,
you stumble in confusion and sorrow.

When you realize where you come from,
you naturally become tolerant,
disinterested, amused,
kindhearted as a grandmother,
dignified as a king.

Immersed in the wonder of the Tao,
you can deal with whatever life brings you,
And when death comes, you are ready.” 


Tuesday, January 30, 2018


Think about it! Time is measured by the daily spin of our planet, and its circular movement around the big boss, our Sun. It could speed up or slow down and we would never know it: Or, would we have the peculiar suspicion that the days were getting smaller.  I can't tell if this is really happening or if adding years to one's memory causes time seemingly to speed up. After all, when I was three years old it seemed like there was never been a time before there was me. We are experientially eternal. Of course, science knows that our entire Solar system is also circling around an even greater center, and so on, and so on. When I was a child, I used to fall over from dizziness thinking of such things. I guess my brain hadn't caught up with my mind, and my body certainly wasn't up to such big thoughts. It probably never will be. 

That brings up another question. Just what is the mind? Is it even in the same body all the time, and is this body I call mine, the same one I started with? I suppose the DNA is the same, but science is learning that DNA is more flexible than originally believed.  Science is just beginning to catch up with metaphysics in this regard. Has my mind entirely moved out of its previous home? I guess that would be the probable hold of karma (karma isn't always bad, just out of date).

 Okay, that leads to another speculation. Is the mind a mediator between the body and spirit or soul, perhaps a stepped down version of soul and stepped up version of body—kind of meeting in the middle, perhaps. Then there is the heart, which science is just beginning to recognize as another kind of thinking organism. Heart intelligence is surer of itself and less analytic. It detects vibes that the brain is too dumb to pick up, or has learned to filter out by cultural conditioning. It seems that the old adages such as, “the heart knows” are genuine.

Beingness seems to consist of the same repetitive patterns all the way from the atomic level to beyond imaginable universes. A universe is just another atom on an immeasurable level. The unfathomability principle, I’ll call it. Actually, it goes in both directions. Who can imagine the subatomic world?  We humans, have a minuscule range of perception. That is what makes, “seeing is believing” a dangerous assumption. Anything really big or really small is out of range. I’ll speculate that it is that intermediary mind trying to fit experience into the little brain that is regulating our interpretation of each situation. 

The brain is probably too big for safety, as it is. The brain we have may end up destroying our world. I believe the Atlantis story, and it doesn’t matter if Atlantis existed in the literal past or is a cautionary tale about the future. It is probably a reality that follows us through each stage, an archetype of misused technology. the intermediary Mind has a really big job.  The most important thing is balancing between worlds. We humans are sadly misinformed about the importance of brainpower.  By now, it should be obvious that some very evil and foolish people have high IQ’s. Bigger brains would only take us to disaster faster. Higher Mind power is the real voucher to the continuance of our existence. I should clarify that it is actually this Higher Mind that has a connection with Sophia, MadamWisdom. She isn’t that well known during our time, but will continue to hold the light for those who want to know.

There is a word out in the cyber world that the Trans-humanism movement is attempting to make an intelligent, immortal being in the human model that will never die. Here is Regina Meredith interviewing William Henry this topic: 
It is also the subject of the 2015 film, Ex Machina. I for one look forward to knocking conscious life up a notch rather than slogging along on the same level of life forever. I also question how Trans-humanism can fit within the cosmic design. At this time, the model is rather empty of higher potential. The brilliant young people who occupy the cyber world are so modern that they have no memory of humanitie's past disasters. Preserving the body and mind without soul and spirit seems as empty as modern art, but modern art is attempting to show us a mirror of where we are heading.

If the cosmos is one super-gigantic hologram, and I believe it is, then those chakras in our bodies that correspond to different intelligences must be a reflection of cosmic energy and design. This life in this world is a step along the way, perhaps a little thread in an intricate weaving that began with one tiny corner of the cosmic loom. We are all related.

This is the kind of stuff that goes through my mind on those nights that I can’t sleep. PQ suggests that I turn on the TV. I usually go to sleep watching TV but I like the soft darkness without distracting sounds, just the stars I see through the window. Cosmic!  

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

SOLAR ECLIPSE - August 21, 2017

I remember mom telling me about the solar eclipse she watched as a young child. It must have been the eclipse of 1923. She would have been seven years old. They broke dark glass bottles through which to view it and one of her classmates got a nasty cut. Times have changed. No responsible teacher now would let a second grader use ordinary bottle glass and especially from a broken bottle.

I had no interest in watching this one through special glasses. It was a natural, recurring event and besides it was only partial here in Taos. However, the sun did grow dim and I found myself wanting to wipe clean a non-existent window because the light went down as if God had turned a dimmer switch on the Sun. Nevertheless, I did notice a change in the energy surrounding us. The Moon normally reflects the light of the Sun after the Sun has moved to the invisible side of the Earth. When the Sun goes dark above us, in what would normally be its zenith, it must turn our normal perception inside out.

Somehow, this fits perfectly with the times. Many qualities associated with Leo, the astrological sign ruled by the Sun, such as ideals, leadership, authority and protection from dark forces seems to be turned inside out, and apt description I believe, of a Solar eclipse. This analogy is also an apt description of our current world condition and definitely our national leadership. 

The enormous attention given to this Solar Eclipse, indicates that such primal events in nature still activate something equally primal in we modern humans however urbanized we have become. Nature rules in spite of our artificial lights, electronic information and asphalt footing. Of course, we attempt to capture such cosmic events with our mobile phone cameras.

Normally, the Moon reflects light from the Sun and stimulates the inner Sun of the emotional, intuitive realm to come out and play. A full Moon is an exact opposition of the Sun and Moon. However, there is an unseen dark side to the Moon and Full Moons are notorious for stimulating both sides of the Moon.  In our culture, the Moon has a feminine identity, and that is appropriate in that the Moon is only a reflection of the dominant Sun who has all the other planets revolving around him. This, however, is not true in all cultures. It may be that much of the craziness in our daily news has something to do with overlooking the intuitive emotional aspects of human nature and thus leaving them undeveloped and prey to distorted expressions. I can’t help notice that most malicious, brutal and irrational outbursts are coming from young males. They obviously lack something important in their emotional development.

We will never control this rogue behavior with violence and further rejection alone. There has to be a genuine and soul satisfying alternative. Yes, it’s possible; even likely, that politically motivated forces are encouraging much of this explosive behavior, but lighting the wick of a candle has an entirely different effect than lighting the wick of a bomb.  

Some years ago, the rangers in Africa began killing older bull elephants, to thin down herds. Before long, they discovered that the young males went rogue, killing other animals that elephants usually ignore, and harassing the females with babies.  It turned out that older males were necessary to keep the young ones in check and show them how to behave. When one gender is out of balance, all is out of balance. People are more complex, but something important is missing in our development whatever the origins of the problem.

Inevitably, the perceptual filters of our experiences and beliefs are impacting this earth. I believe most of us would agree that it is time for us to become conscious and responsible for the environment we create with our unconscious views. We have lived for a long time with an approaching solar eclipse.  A physical eclipse of the Sun by the body of the Moon that represents all the unconscious powers that we ignore is a great symbol to work with. All that is unconscious is more likely to manifest in destruction rather than creation. However, our universe lives in cycles of a dance of darkness and light. I do hope, however, that the time is not far off for the Sun to shine again on the inside as well as the outside of our lives even though I suspect darkness will become deeper before the light begins to emerge.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Las Cruces Cross Road

FOUR DAYS AGO: It’s 3:30 PM and PQ is taking a nap. I haven’t had much time or inspiration for writing this week. This is it. Yesterday we drove to several venues from south to north here in Taos, hoping to cope with a shortfall by selling at least one of PQ’s hand painted jackets. I didn’t want to do this due to the virus effect that is hanging with us since we returned from Las Cruces on Sunday. That trip was all about another showing of “Awakening in Taos”. 

Petite Suede Jacket - $350
The long weekend held continuous challenges for someone on 5 Lts. of oxygen 24/7. We hauled oxygen tanks from venue to venue for receptions, showings and Q&A’s.  Sometimes PQ ran out of oxygen entirely and we had to wing it and hope for the best. People were friendly, curious somewhat bedazzled but not interested in buying art. At least not from someone they knew very little about. The Southern part of New Mexico is actually a different country and the art, history and natives of Taos Pueblo are exotic to them.

Some of the stress was in finding venues located far apart in an unfamiliar city. I learned to use Siri (somewhat) after my Garmin GPS failed us, but the tension continued and PQ and I have different ways. Each of us thinks the other doesn’t know what he/she is doing when faced with the unknown. Packing and unpacking  large paintings, a powwow drum, 12 painted coats and jackets, drawings, greeting cards CD’s and our luggage was another challenge. On the last morning, we ran out of oxygen tanks and had to locate a provider acceptable to PQ’s insurance. After ordering, we discovered that they wouldn’t deliver to hotels. Mark Gordon, our producer was waiting for us to guide us to the theater again but ran out of time and had to leave us on our own. Thankfully, the oxygen provider was only half a mile away, but it was under time pressure and we arrived at the theater a bit late, yet proud of ourselves for finding it on our own. 

Frankly, I don’t think I described all of this with total accuracy because it is a blur now. Unfortunately, it was a blur at the time as well. I’ll admit both PQ and I were exhausted and semi-conscious before we arrived. He had painted feverishly for two weeks prior, and I lay out and printed cards, organized the items and priced everything until late the night before we left. This wouldn’t have been a problem except that I was just beginning to recover from a cold and so was PQ. 

Medium Black Denim - $350
Now I’ve vented about our rather strange experience, and am trying to settle back into the Taos rhythm. I started to worry about the bills we collected last month because we bought art materials, had to replace an old washing machine that died and make a payment on our son’s truck while he was between jobs. Our income doesn’t accommodate extra expenses. When the late fees and shutoff notices from utility companies started coming in, my stomach tightened by habit and I resigned to a sleepless night.  Then suddenly, my mood changed and I began to feel light and free. For some reason I recognized that worry is an out of date response designed to mollify a false sense of responsibility. Self-torture was never useful and only created more problems.  The universe isn’t picking on me uniquely, and not all efforts let alone self-generated suffering will be rewarded in the real world. Then a flashlight came on and illuminated the room. I saw that my life is focused on staying out of trouble to avoid criticism and shame but my personal trickster was crafting the opposite again and again. I was making myself crazy with a purpose.  

I can’t please everyone and there are times when I can’t please anyone. This truth doesn’t require a desperate response, or a belief that I’m cursed. It just is. Things have not been smooth this winter.  PQ is going through his own frustrations and disappointments and sometimes he expects more than I have to give and is impatient with me. My failure this month to please our creditors put a hole in my ego through which I could peer at the larger world. I was in a similar loop with my husband. I thought I had to meet every expectation and make him happy or I was a total failure as a person. I could feel us drifting further apart and was powerless to fix it. Then, on this day, I realized that I alone couldn’t fix it. I could love him, be frustrated with him and even blame myself for not understanding his version of perfection, but my feelings of failure would never make us okay. I can’t do it alone.    
Medium Denim Shirt - $350

My hopes and expectations for our relationship were a precious dream. Ironically, he also had a dream of what we would be together. I’m not saying that those dreams are not good. I still believe there is much of value there but not the way I once imagined. Will we survive a blizzard of reality in this rather bleak winter?  Actually, I see it as a necessary trip through the storm. On our recent drive from Las Cruces to Taos, exhausted and rumpled as we watched mile after mile of sand and dry brush move by at what seemed a snail’s pace, authenticity was taking root like a tender shoot developing beneath the barren winter soil. 
Medium White Denim - $350

Perhaps there isn’t anything wrong with reality after all. I believe this life is a school for the soul, but on a larger level, it is a school for this evolving planet’s essence and destiny. They are organically connected. 

Expectations tend to hold the future within the habits of the past. Typically, when a people moved from one location on the planet to another, they insisted on keeping the plants, animals and beliefs of the place they came from. I was just reading about the Vikings who lived for almost 300 years on Greenland. Then something happened (probably weather change and a shift of the ivory market to Africa) making it impossible to maintain a Northern European life style on that cold barren island. Instead of adapting to the lifestyle of their Inuit neighbors that is still functioning at that location, they returned to Europe or died in place. The magic comes in making change a womb instead of a grave.