Saturday, February 11, 2017


PQ is making new designs on drawing paper every day. Our relationship is in flux. He is restless and pushing for more in life, dissatisfied with the way we are. We have been under much pressure in the last few years. A make it or break it challenge for our relationship.  I know some of it has to do with getting older, shorter of breath and now a new threat of compromised kidney function. Nevertheless, his energy is good and his stamina unaffected. More people are getting in touch with him out of the clear sky wanting blessings, or information about pueblo culture and the way things were—movie people, musicians and writers. This is what I saw and hoped to be a part of 20 years ago but I’ve always been too far ahead. When real time catches up to the vision, the vision itself becomes dim and tattered, like that favorite print that I save rolled up under the bed waiting for a time when I’ll have the money to frame it and the space to hang it. 

Time is upon us. A few days ago, we were waiting for a friend to arrive at one of our favorite Santa Fe restaurants. Across Guadalupe Street, PQ saw a neon sign on a second story window, “Native Lives Matter.” “That’s what I want to do, something to help my people, something meaningful that will inspire my people and remind them of what we are about.” A few days earlier, we had been watching “A brief but spectacular moment” on PBS featuring African American poet, Clint Smith. He delivered a poem about how America hides the realities of racial prejudice and exploitation by our founding fathers behind a whitewashed (pun intended) version of history. PQ told me, “I want you to contact that poet and tell him how much I appreciated that message and I would like to work with him in some way, it’s important,” So, I did. Clint Smith answered with a simple but warm acknowledgement and thank you. I believe that the energy trajectory is gaining momentum and it’s going to have an effect. We aren’t getting younger but we as individuals are going through a ripening process and harvest time is here.

I believe this is the most important time for the most important ascension. I’m not referring to a New Age plan to escape this uncomfortable and sometimes frightening world. The most important ascension is we moving from purely personal motives and desires to the experience of relatedness to all the other beings and even the cosmos. That is a bit too heady, so I’ll break it down. We are going through a cleansing of our personal cooties, the ones that have kept us scratching personal itches too long. Another analogy comes to mind, just like with the country, our windshields are cracked and spattered with mud and we’ve just been tolerating it.    

The alienating beliefs and attitudes in our world are becoming dangerously extreme. There is great danger that this division will destroy the consciousness needed to resolve that division. People are taking sides in a way that prevents healing and instead further irritates open wounds. Poet Robert Frost had this to say about inner conflicts, “The best way out is through.” To me this means the answer is not in escalating conflict between opposing forces but in transcending the divisive extremes to a higher encompassing third approach. 

Some people believe our new president is going to answer their prayers and some believe he will destroy the country and beyond.  My personal opinion is that he often functions as Trickster, breaking through the weak walls, accidentally shining the light on the wrinkles and warts of a system that is full of contradictions and compromise, even as he charges in like a Bull in a china shop.
On another level, PQ’s design styles are changing.  Possessed by a strong spirit that is fine and focused like a laser he cranks the volume up on his Bose and paints all day.  His guiding Medicine teacher is pushing toward the upper world.  There is sometimes confusion as the new boss struggles with the haughty young man inside who won’t give up easily. The young guy still has some grievances and unfinished business, but this incoming spirit has an authority that won’t be stopped. I sense his amazement, joy and strength.

Real life demands that we take it on its own terms. It is much like a nocturnal dream and doesn’t condescend to waking logic.  The countenance of Coyote the Native American trickster is laughing at us, all of us. Here we are at the beginning of this New Year and the shadow truths behind both our institutions and self-images are bulging furtively around the edges of their sanctified masks.  As deceptions grow, they fit less well in their containers. 

A few weeks ago, something shifted.  I had a quick glimpse of the mask I’d been wearing—a bland self-effacing mask that I thought would be neutral and nonthreatening but was completely contrary to my essence. I learned to wear this mask in early childhood and then identified with it (for those of you into astrology, I have the Sun, Moon, Mercury and Jupiter in the 12th house, all squaring Neptune in the 4th house).  I covertly projected and supported my true birthright essence onto friends and lovers who usually ended up rejecting my masked persona.

 I have no idea how the future will unfold for us as individuals the nation or the world.  The Universal Command Force doesn’t confide the big picture to the likes of me, probably realizing that I’m all I can handle; however, Coyote always screws up while trying to trick others. Remember that when in despair of the future world. 

Wednesday, January 18, 2017


Who are we? What is the background of our existence? Now and then, I get a lightning flash of insight into a much greater reality than this world compounded of one day after another, one year after another. I’ve come to believe that there are many strata of our being that simply don’t fit within the common powers of perception.  Then, perhaps in the natural sequence of perceptual progression, all but a few enlightened beings have yet to awaken to that level of experience. Either way, I’ve come to the conclusion that we have deep roots extending both above and below all known definitions of being human.

Like snowflakes, each being has a unique design while still following its archetypal pattern. This is the essence of creation in motion, and with it the inevitability of destruction for each individual expression of that greater pattern. We naively believe we are autonomous beings that belong only to ourselves. Yet, we are more like a nerve ending of the collective human body. We carry the responses of our ancestors and make way for the experiences of our descendants but, for now, I want to find the entrance to the previously unknown layer of reality that brought me to the Black smoke Beings.

Shadow People, or Black Smoke Beings, in my experience are not truly ghosts. They may in fact be a creation of certain states of negative consciousness. Consider the possibility that we actually are literally co-creators of our world. In this proposal, these strange entities eventually take on a rudimentary consciousness as well as an independent state of being. However, they live by energy generated with negative emotions, especially fear, anger and suspicion. Although I really don’t know how they are born, or where they come from, I clearly saw them, and for a moment read their minds and recognized their influence for generations back. Their situation is secondary.  They do not have a truly independent existence but require the vibrational energy of negative human emotions for sustenance.  

I suspect that we seriously underestimate our powers and thus our responsibility as co-creators. We put god outside of ourselves and beg “him” to fix unfortunate situations or make our hopes come to fruition. Frequently, our prayers are answered, yet in a manner our ego identity fails to recognize. Most of us occasionally are aware that we may be more than our personality or the states of consciousness that we include in our ego package but we seldom extend this vague awareness beyond our habitual identity nor any hoped for improvement in that identity.

I’m not suggesting such experiences as the Black Smoke Beings are merely figments of our imagination. The power and essence of emotion is considerably underestimated. It seems to me, that emotion is a many layered creative power source. We humans are in a sense conduits of power from more than the familiar four dimensions.  In the esoteric world, there is above and below and all directions emanate from one point as powerful as an atomic reaction, the elusive now. Yet, we are also very suggestible and much of our interpretation of reality is due to unconsciously assimilated assumptions about being human, living on this planet and how reality works. Regrettably, we discard unfamiliar or socially unpopular states of perception automatically and habitually, before they creep all the way to the remote borders of consciousness.  This leaves our neglected powers stalking in the dark woods outside our seemingly safe doors.

Consider the possibility, that there are powers that would prefer that we never awaken to our co-creative powers. The lower limits of consciousness often are sustained by traditional Religions in contrast to a less culturally biased spirituality. Now consider that religion is only one of many reality factories. For instance, Scientific Materialism is the official orthodoxy of this time in history.

During the time that I encountered the Black Smoke Beings, I also experienced strange phenomena in the form of large pale yellow flying insects similar to dragonflies circling my living room. I could see them even though I couldn’t open my eyes or move. Later black snakes ascended between the cracks in the wooden floor of my old adobe. I know this comes off as literally crazy stuff, but it never affected my ordinary world, the so-called world of socially agreed upon reality.  Interestingly, my cats also saw these entities, watched with fascination and curiosity but did not behave as if threatened.

As odd as it may sound, I recognized these events as messages from forgotten dimensions and guides to powers I hadn’t encountered before. I also suspected witchcraft for some of these experiences. There are many so I won’t attempt to explain all, but I was living in psychically close contact with a medicine man from the Pueblo while naively attempting to help his rebellious son understand the importance of his own path to medicine. It is important to keep in mind that when relating to any other dimensional consciousness there is both light and dark. There are those who help us attain a more comprehensive consciousness in contrast to  those who intend to scare us into submission or get rid of us. To obscure matters, the dark types often deceptively present themselves as helpful or neutral.

As a working concept, I have come to see this part of my personal history as an opening to a larger viewpoint. I will compare it to viewing one’s life and environment from the highest hill in the neighborhood. There are always going to be taller hills, then mountains, and eventually the limitless space above all mountains, but it’s best to take on larger realities in steps. I no longer consider it my business to impress others with the importance of fulfilling their “destiny.” It is impossible to know what someone’s personal tolerance to an expanded perception might be. Each being has a unique pathway through a forest of distortions. At an age when many people consider their life’s work complete, I am barely identifying the obstructions to my journey up the next mountain. I believe this is the weakness that made me vulnerable to “psychic attack.”  It was not a bad thing. When I acknowledge that there is both dark and light as we encounter new dimensions, I want to make it clear that they are working in tandem. It’s not about judging the experience one over the other.

I believe that the greatest weakness we have as a society in this time / space, is the belief that one can make great strides in one direction without activating its counter direction. Have you noticed that great breakthroughs in medicine within a few years are countered with the negative side effects and frequently stimulate the evolution of a more powerful virus?

Last night I watched a documentary on nuclear power. It is a solution to many environmental problems and to the eventual cessation of the use of fossil fuels altogether, but no one knows how safely to dispose of nuclear waste and it wasn’t considered in that original elation of discovery. In 20,000 years will disposal instructions still be decipherable by our descendants.  Even as individuals, we often solve a problem, sigh with relief and satisfaction and then discover a bit later that we have unleashed a greater problem.  Alas, the evolution of our world seems to exist under the tragic tutelage of pain heartache and destruction.

Now, I have reached the edge of a mental precipice that is too sheer to descend and too wide to jump in my present mental capacity.  I think I’ll make some brownies because I have a chocolate craving for the second day in a row. I need to restore a simple earthly bond.

Monday, November 7, 2016


Synchronicity: The simultaneous occurrence of events that appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection. --Google

Synchronicity is choreographed by a great pervasive intelligence that lies at the heart of nature and is manifest I each of us through intuitive knowing. --Deepak Chopra

Life took a sudden turn for the better about a month ago. After avoiding some simple tasks that had evolved into huge intimidating monsters over the months, I forced myself to clean corners, dust, vacuum, organize bookshelves and cabinets and go through my closet to prepare for autumn and winter. Then PQ and I applied a mental whip to our backs and became mules to carry the contents of our storage space to an empty room in the old Pueblo house and our in town garage. This was necessary to eliminate any unnecessary expense after the Social Security people decided to take PQ’s SSI money away.   Ironically, we had been considering applying for an increase, since we couldn’t seem to get all the way to the end of a month on what we had.  At the beginning of our Project Downsize, my body was lagging way behind my resolve even though the resolve wasn’t very tough either. Everything hurt and I tired quickly. After three days, I felt stronger, younger and better coordinated. It was as if I’d dropped fifteen years. More importantly, the situation changed from dreaded loss to an interesting challenge. Nothing is as disheartening as perceived helplessness.

These were behind our house last week.
Often it is synchronicity that shines the light on dark trails.  I have almost never successfully found my way through life by conscious planning, and yet I often don’t consider where the light on a path comes from until much later.  It is just as likely to appear as an unfortunate accident such as the reduction in our income. Then at another time, it is the luck of being at the right place at the right time. In contrast to my actual experience, early programming conditioned me to argue myself out of the power of unexplainable events.

The truth is my true guidance in life has always transpired without a logical or rational explanation.  Reason only fits the important connections together after the fact. So-called intuition and raw instincts are the most powerful tools of synchronicity. Daydreams and unsolicited imaginings contain previews about future direction, and are usually forgotten until they materialize.

I noticed when looking over my history, that there is a typical backdrop for challenges and a distinct pattern. Nevertheless, while stumbling psychically through sharp brambles, quicksand, clinging to crumbling cliffs or trekking through desert wastelands with no visible horizon, I see only chaos, and feel doomed. Yet, there has always been a stubborn drive to keep going and never accept that pain and defeat is the only possible fate. If reality were otherwise, why would I instinctively struggle for a different outcome? There is always a power greater than personal experience that drives me on even when my ego is writhing with the pain and shame of defeat.

It recently occurred to me that the holographic universe is the milieu of synchronicity. Alas, chaos is the other side, the dark background on which the design is revealed. There are contrasting sides to every scene or we wouldn’t be able to see anything. Consciousness comes from noticing the difference.